Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
