No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
