What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
