I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
