went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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