Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
