Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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