New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
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Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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