my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
