help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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