On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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