I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
