I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am available for nakedness
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
