I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
