I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
