So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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