My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
how drunk are you?
Several
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
