Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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