On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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