Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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