hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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