The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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