Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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