you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
