You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
