then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
