dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
