rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.