I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.