You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sober January is a disaster.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC