dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.