Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!