She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?