none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
