I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
