you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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