Where are you?
In a non slutty way
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
