based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
