I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
