wrigley field is MILF paradise
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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