I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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