He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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