the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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