So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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