i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
