i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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