is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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