Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
