but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
