my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
