So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
