If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
