i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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