It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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