Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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