Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
