I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
