He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
