The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
