You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
