My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
