I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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