Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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