Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
