hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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